Sunday, March 25, 2018

Hello Readers,
 Today I am touching on a very touchy subject that most will not want to speak about. Everyone has their reasons. Maybe some are ashamed, others too devastated to even discuss the matter. Some maybe even blame themselves for the circumstances. Whatever the reason, it is a difficult subject to address. But I want to try to share my story in the hopes that it may help someone else.

Last week, I lost my unborn child. After carrying my little angel all the way until I was 17 weeks, I miscarried.  The days since then have been some of the hardest of my life. The valley of emotions I have felt over the past week include feeling alone, empty, sad, and depressed. Perhaps the worst feeling of all was that I was somehow to blame, that if I had done this, or not done that, or if I had only been stronger, my baby would have survived. I won’t lie. These negative thoughts almost consumed me.  It felt like I was lost and couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnel. I thought this is it for me, I have no reason to go on. In the depths of my grief, I finally fell into my pillow and screamed, begging God to please help me. I wondered, how could I possibly survive this?

The truth is, I am not even close to knowing the answer to this question as I am in the midst of the struggle right now. When you are grieving such a terrible loss, it is so easy to sit there and let the sadness, depression, and darkness take over, but when I think about what it is that I am grieving, I realize it is not only the loss of someone closer to me than anyone else has ever been, but also the chance at life that was stolen away from my angel before he or she even had the chance to come into this world. Life is precious, and it seems my grief is rooted in the deeply in the knowledge of that fact.

In the face of a loss so devastating, I think we must remember the root of our grief. Life is precious, and that includes the lives we live after great loss. We cannot allow bad things to take over our lives. We have to fight to live. Sometimes life bites us hard, with venom so strong that it could kill us. Though the bite is serious, and want to survive, we must find a solution and fight until we have won the battle, never forgetting but always moving forward.

For anyone who has been here, or is here now, I hope that you have been as blessed as I have to have the amazing support of family and friends. Still, no matter how much others lift you up during this very difficult time, it may seem that there are parts of the battle toward healing that only you can fight. I am here to say that while you must ultimately walk your own path, you are not alone.   We can walk together; we can fight this together. But we must fight and we must live.

These past days I have been saying goodbye to a person I never met, a person so innocent, a person so pure, a person that touched my heart, a person that I would have given my entire life for.  I think the greatest gift I can give my rainbow baby is to embrace the precious nature of life and to live my life to the fullest. The greatest tribute I could pay would be to learn to live with what happened, to never forget, but also to never stop living.

Remember you are not ALONE......

In Loving Memory of our angel.......


  1. So beautiful I know exactly how you feel, ���� thanks for sharing I know it must have been very difficult but time heals all wounds and it will get better nuff love ❤️

    1. Thank you so much! I truly appreciate you taking time to read my blog and sharing your words. Encouragement helps get you through <3

  2. I have so much respect for you for sharing your story and being so transparent, especially with the sensitivity of it. I can’t even imagine what you went/and are going through even after reading what you wrote, but you all are in my prayers. I pray you continue to heal and as you said, never forget, but continue to live. You are truly a strong woman! ❤️❤️

    1. Thank you so much Nicole for taking the time to not only read my post but to share your support. It has been the hardest thing in life that I have felt but I know that in order to move forward I had to heal and this helped me heal. Thank you so much and I hope to see you in my next post. <3


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